The "Evolved" Leader: Moving
Beyond Blame
By Larry Dressler and Shannon Gray

Remember Koko, the 280-pound gorilla famous for her ability to communicate with her trainers in sign language? One day Koko's trainer knowingly asked her who had broken a toy cat. Koko casually pointed at Kate her night handler, indicating who the real culprit was. It seems we haven't evolved as far from our cousins the great apes as we think.

Dishonest as it was, we can all sympathize with Koko's deflecting of blame. None of us likes to have an accusatory finger pointed at us. Yet, how many times do we as leaders in organizations do exactly that?

Darwinism and The Donald
Leaders who blame assign responsibility for disappointing outcomes — often in ways that are punitive and aggressive. Blame is all about answering "Who did it?" rather than "Why did it happen and what can we learn?"

We need only turn on the television to see how blame functions in today's corporate culture. Each week, millions of viewers tune in to watch two teams of aspiring moguls compete for Donald Trump's admiration. At the end of each episode, Trump calls the losing team into his board room and asks, "Who caused this team to lose the challenge?"As Trump and his two expert advisors grill the team, the would-be apprentices pull a "Koko" — scrambling to take cover, defending their character, and attacking each other's competence. At the end of the evening, those who have avoided being fired are the "winners." Interesting message.

While Trump's "you're fired" brand of management makes for high TV ratings, it is not the kind of business leadership we believe encourages honesty, initiative, and learning in employees. In fact, an environment of blame puts employees in a continuous state of fight-or-flight. Under these conditions, Darwin's law of survival of the fittest takes on new meaning. The fittest are the slipperiest, and it is they who survive.

Survival Tactics
A pervasive culture of blame insures that employees engage in the following dysfunctional survival tactics:

  • Posterior Protection: Also known as CYA, these tactics include documenting every conversation, copying oneself on every email, and keeping large files as evidence of one's actions.
  • Forget About Learning: Problem solving takes a back seat to identifying who is at fault. As a result, chronic problems persist even after "the guilty" have been punished.
  • Go on the Attack: "Get them before they get you" by engaging in sabotage, rumor-spreading, and politicking, all aimed at self-preservation rather than business results.
  • Become Invisible: People insulate themselves from blame by withdrawing, and withholding their contributions. When something goes wrong, they cover their tracks, and find the nearest foxhole.
  • Play to Avoid Losing: Rather than taking the risks necessary to achieve outstanding performance, people play it safe, putting forth just enough effort not to lose.

The bad news is that these tactics require huge amounts of time, energy, and organizational resources. The good news is that leaders can quickly turn this dynamic around by focusing on improvement rather than fault-finding. This involves changing the conversation in your head.

Evolved Leaders Ask the Right Questions
In the face of disappointing results, what choices do you make? What questions do you ask yourself when events around you are not playing out as you had hoped? We believe that the questions we ask ourselves and others determine our future. We also believe that the questions we ask are a matter of choice. Which of the following questions are you more likely to ask when you are faced with a failure or disappointments?

Blaming Leader Learning Leader
Who messed up? What are the facts?
How can I be proven right? What can I learn?
How do I protect myself and my interests? What is the bigger picture here?
How can I avoid embarrassment? What am I responsible for?


Leaders who choose to ask the kinds of questions in the right column create organizations in which employees learn from experience and take personal initiative. Rather than fostering the kind of behavior described earlier, these questions promote employee accountability in the truest sense of the word — people taking unconditional responsibility for their actions and giving their very best every time.

Moving Beyond Blame
Let's be clear. Moving beyond blame does not mean tolerating poor performance, turning your back to hard challenges, or avoiding difficult conversations — just the opposite. It means fearlessly confronting disappointing results head-on with candor, calm, and curiosity. Let's explore each of these elements.

Candor: You speak your truth, without spin or assignment of intention. You state what you observed, the impact of the event, and your feelings about what has occurred.

Calm: You describe your concerns without attaching an emotional load and in a tone that acknowledges that this conversation has a higher purpose — to solve the problem.

Curiosity: You recognize that there are many truths. You can only understand the situation from where you sit. After speaking your truth, ask: "what happened from your perspective?"

During our "Fierce Conversations™ Workshops" based on Susan Scott's best selling book, we remind people that the most effective confrontation is neither an accusation nor an inquisition. It is a sincere, unambiguous invitation to discover the truth. When done skillfully, this kind of conversation produces learning and change before it is even over. Turning a potential blame scenario into a constructive confrontation is among the most valuable disciplines you can master as a leader.

So the next time you are tempted to go on a fault-finding expedition, take a moment to ask yourself this question: What behaviors am I really trying to foster among my employees? If you are like most of the leaders with whom we have spoken, your list will include: honest communication, initiative, responsibility-taking, adaptability, and conscientious performance. Then ask yourself, which of these behaviors will I foster if I go into blame mode? OK, you get the point. The last thing we want you to do is to waste any time blaming yourself for your blaming ways! Repeat after us: "I am not evil, I am just still evolving." Embrace your inner gorilla and commit to new conversations with yourself and others — conversations that create the kinds of outcomes you desire.



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